Have you ever noticed your world getting smaller without realizing it? Maybe you’re walking less, staying home from work more, or canceling plans with friends. You might feel flat or disconnected. You could be lonely, and that’s okay!
What Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is when you feel upset because your relationships with other people don’t give you what you need. It’s not the same as being alone.
You can feel very lonely even when you’re surrounded by lots of friends. You can also feel perfectly happy when you’re by yourself.
Many people don’t realize they’re lonely until the feeling sticks around for a while.
Signs You Might Be Lonely
Physical feelings:
- Feeling cold, empty, or hollow inside
- Feeling like something important is missing from your body
- Scientists have found that feeling lonely hurts your brain the same way physical pain does
Changes in what you do:
- Your daily routine changes
- Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
- Eating more or less than usual, or eating the same foods over and over
- Skipping activities you normally enjoy, like sports, classes, or going to events
How you feel emotionally:
- Sad most of the time
- Very tired
- Disconnected from others
- Like you don’t belong, even when you’re with people you know
- Getting your feelings hurt more easily when people criticize you or reject you
Why Is Loneliness Hard to Notice?
Many people feel embarrassed about being lonely. They think it makes them look like a “loser.” But staying quiet about loneliness makes it worse.
A scientist named John Cacioppo said loneliness is like an alarm system in our brains. Long ago, when people lived in tribes, being separated from your group was dangerous because wild animals might attack you. So our brains learned to make us feel bad when we’re disconnected, pushing us to find our way back to other people.
Can You Be Lonely Even With Friends?
Yes! You can have lots of friends, be in a relationship, and have a great job and still feel lonely.
It’s not about how many people you know. It’s about whether you feel truly connected to them and whether you have an important role in their lives.
You might feel lonely even with good friends if you’re missing deeper connections or don’t feel like you belong to a community.
This doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or a bad friend. It just means you need different kinds of connections.
What to Do If You’re Lonely
First, ask yourself: What kind of connection am I missing?
- Do you need closer one-on-one friendships?
- Do you want a romantic partner?
- Do you miss casual conversations with people?
- Do you want to be part of a group with shared interests?
Think about what helped you feel connected in the past. Some ideas:
- Join a choir, book club, or sports team
- Volunteer for causes you care about
- Say “yes” to small social moments, like chatting with store clerks or learning your neighbors’ names
If you’re still struggling, a counselor or psychologist can help you figure out ways to build better connections.
It’s Not Your Fault
Remember: loneliness often happens because of things outside your control, like:
- Poorly designed neighborhoods that make it hard to meet people
- Money problems
- Work stress
- Social rules that make it hard to connect
- Effects from COVID-19
- Even climate change (like extreme heat or natural disasters that keep people apart)
The Bottom Line
Loneliness is normal, common, and completely fixable. The most important step is noticing when you feel lonely.
If you feel lonely, you’re not broken. Your brain is just trying to help you find the connections you need to be happy and healthy.
Start by paying attention to your feelings and reaching out when you can. The more we talk about loneliness, the less alone everyone will feel.
Original article: “How can I tell if I am lonely? What are some of the signs?” by Marlee Bower, The Conversation. This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.
